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Random Blog Journey-2-Peace: Changes - episode four

    Trish Monaco.
    singer. songwriter.
    dog walker.
    human. living.
    loving. laughing.
    in Los Angeles


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Saturday, February 03, 2007

Changes - episode four

So yeah, it's 5:30 AM and I have yet to sleep. It's all part of the series of changes happening right now.

This episode is called: Celexa Withdrawal

Muscle and joint aches. Electric shock-like jolts through my limbs. Insanely itchy skin and scalp. Restlessness. Irritability (the killing type). Lightheadedness (the fun kind). Nausea. And of course, sleeplessness.

Here's the deal -- I went on Celexa two years ago. I started on others and finally found Celexa to be the mildest in terms of side-effects. Others numbed me out way too much. I could actually feel my body go numb. Weird. Celexa was great for helping me handle stressful situations with a more relaxed and understanding approach. Truly, I'm grateful.

But here's the thing - I haven't been able to write a lick of lyrics or anything deeply creative the entire time I've been on medication. And in the last six months (or longer) I've had less energy again - feeling bored and discontent. I'm also without a refill.

So before the holidays I made the decision to wean off medication and give it a go drug-free again. Just to see if the antidepressant did what I originally asked my doc for in the first place; train my brain to handle things less reactive and more thoughtful.

I weaned slowly - but perhaps not slowly enough. (slow enough?)

I still have some left and I may take another - like every four days, instead of every other day as I did in my final tapering. But then what? I've been reading horror stories about the withdrawal symptoms. Oh yeah, headaches. Did I mention headaches? Oh, and twitchy eyelids. Nice huh?

I'm just now remembering the side effects I experienced as I was starting the SSRIs. Night sweats, anxiety, restlessness, aches. I suppose this is the way back to health.

One thing I'm really looking forward to -- losing the 15 lbs I gained as a result of experiencing a lower metabolism. No matter what I did, my weight has been consistent in the last two years. An all-time high. (you may not notice - but I do!)

Right now, as I type I feel the room slowly tilting - diagonally. And my head is getting tighter.

I'm okay (for those who worry). It's something I have to go through if I want to find my creativity again. I'm supplementing with St. John's Wort, Ginko Biloba, a bunch of antioxidants, vitamin C, Omega-3s and probably other stuff I'm not remembering right now. Plus I've started with a new therapist and as you know I'm on the hunt for health insurance. Now, I just need to get myself back to yoga and trust the process.

Just riding it out. Apparently this is just the beginning of the withdrawal. This could get worse and last up to eight weeks or more. Remembering it's part of the process while I'm in the process is usually the most challenging part of the process. ;)

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Comments on "Changes - episode four"


Blogger Wil said ... (2:20 PM) : 

I realize you haven't any insurance at the moment. But when you do, don't wait 2 flipping years to see if the desired results are achieved. If you haven't hit the mark within 4 months, time to change the Rx. Good luck -- it sounds like this time it's going to be a bear to wean off of the crap.


Blogger Trish said ... (3:08 PM) : 

Hey Wil - thanks. apparently, in my frustration this morning, I wasn't completely clear about the POSITIVE aspects of these last two years on celexa. Without it, I may not have learned a "new way" of dealing with stress. Perhaps I'll blog about that stuff soon. But true, quite a bear to wean after a 2-yr stint.


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