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Random Blog Journey-2-Peace: Life, Change, Anxiety and Hope

    Trish Monaco.
    singer. songwriter.
    dog walker.
    human. living.
    loving. laughing.
    in Los Angeles

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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Life, Change, Anxiety and Hope



Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned. It's been a week since my last post.

That's not the sin.

The sin, my friends, is that I haven't had the desire to post lately because I'm busy enjoying life (mostly). It's challenging and difficult but there's a faint joy of light in the core of me that had been dimmed for a long time.

Lots of change ahead. Some I don't want. Some I look forward to. Some I can't even see at the moment. It's big, heavy, even scary but freeing at the same time. I go in and out of angst. Just another layer of the onion.

Coming back to myself. Where have I been? Right here all along, I guess. I just forgot. Lots of self-reflection. Remembering is sweet(ish). Except for the anxiety.

It's the not knowing. Leaves me with only myself. My instincts. My intentions. My truth.

Fancy that.

I'm trying to stay in the moment. I find myself projecting into the future. That's where the angst comes in. It's unconscious. I'll be off in a thought and my heart will be racing, my body shaking and I'll come back to the moment and gasp for air.

I haven't felt anxiety like this in a few years (or ten). It's icky. Very uncomfortable. I'm taking advantage of my lack of appetite. Not a diet I would recommend. But at least it's driving me back to yoga.

Work has been keeping me busy too. And it's about to get even busier for the next couple of weeks. I need it. Sitting around waiting for another ball to drop is not my idea of a good time.

So while I've been enjoying life, I've also been challenged to really show up and face a few demons.

Fear, you know. It's only fear.

Easy to say. Harder to remember.

Comments on "Life, Change, Anxiety and Hope"

 

Blogger Sharky said ... (7:16 PM) : 

ahhh. yes, I so feel where you are at....different because it's you, but in the same cycle of fear, anxiety yet...joy, and a light.
spinning faster and faster....
where we stop, nobody knows.

aint it a blast? :)

 

Anonymous chris soth said ... (2:30 AM) : 

Ah yes. But I'm sleepy, and you're making me stay up to read your blog...

xo
chris

 

Blogger V said ... (3:43 AM) : 

Ah, Trish.
The name of my Blog....."To Grow Is To Be Anxious".
Hugs,
V

 

Blogger Kristeena said ... (7:32 AM) : 

That weird tingle, I've had it a lot lately too. Its exciting, and kind of fun, and yet scary as heck.

Its a good thing though. Moving right along...

=) kris

 

Blogger Heather said ... (7:46 AM) : 

I was wondering where you'd been! I'm glad that things are slowly starting to light up again, for you. Change is so hard to accept, IMO, but once you do, life just seems to flow a lot easier.

 

Blogger Judith HeartSong said ... (4:29 PM) : 

you know, no matter how much or how little you write, I will still be right here to check in on you. Go and be happy and live your life, and know that the feeling in the pit of your stomach often pre-sages a wonderful new adventure.

Hang in there. I was always the girl who said I hated change... boy have I learned about change. And you... you are strong and thoughtful and so bright... you can handle ANYTHING that life throws at you, just know that right behind you you have a circle of friends.
lots of love,
judi
ps I think you are very brave.

 

Blogger IndigoSunMoon said ... (7:12 PM) : 

I'm a sucker for the same ole same ole. Change just scares me to death. I feel for you my friend.
Sending you much love,
Connie

 

Blogger Robbie said ... (6:44 AM) : 

Beautiful picture! Hang in there. Change is inevitable. Anxiety never makes it better, but hope sure does. :-)

 

Blogger Vivian said ... (5:51 PM) : 

I think I know what you mean about enjoying life and simultaneously facing some deamons....the light in you will keep brightening and chase those demons away.....stay in the moment...live your life to the fullest and enjoy yourself. When you find a few moments to cyber connect with us, we will be happy to hear from you!

 

Blogger Stacy said ... (3:16 PM) : 

Just found you-you sound so very interesting to me-I will be back for sure. Loved this particular entry. So what I am dealing with at present. sigh.

 

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